


And so do I

by C Square (Emiko842)



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Depression, Embarrassment, Multi, Other, Wrong number, this is very silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-06-05 20:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6722140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emiko842/pseuds/C%20Square
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Oh my god, did someone give you this number as a prank? That is the best.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m just...” You sigh plopping your head down on the lounge table in a way you’re fairly glad your students can’t see. “Lonely I suppose. I know it’s been years now but an empty house can be terribly depressing.”

Catty gives your arm a sympathetic pat. “Oh honey, I’m sorry. I remember how it is - you know I’ve only been living with Bratty for a few months!” She hesitates and then lowers her voice, “You know, if you, uh, ever get really lonely? I mean you can always call me girl, just to talk or whatevs, but - ” frowning she fumbles with her purse until she pulls out a crumpled card, “Just call this place ok? You have to pay and stuff, but they're really good, for uh, talking???” She winks.

You chuckle. “Now dear, I don’t think I’m quite that desperate yet.” Though it is very nice of her to give you the number of what you assume to be some sort of counselling or advice line. 

You end up tucking the card into your pocket anyway. 

===

Well then, here you are. Home alone on a friday night and feeling like a very sad old lady. You already made a pie when you got home, and now you’re just kind of looking at it and trying not to think about the fact that you’ll have to eat it alone. The kids never really did like snail but Asgore would have loved it.

You don’t even have a cat, you really are doing this whole ‘living alone’ thing wrong aren't you. 

You still have that card. 

Sighing and mentally preparing yourself for talking on the phone with a stranger you fumble your cellphone and the crumpled card out of your pocket. Darn, you forgot to ask what exactly this was? Oh well, at worst you embarrass yourself terribly and get a bit of a laugh before you make yourself go to bed early. 

You carefully press the numbers and end up only having to redo it once because of your big fingers, you feel almost proud. “Helloooo ~ and welcome to intimate connections!” The name seems a little over the top. How do you pay for this anyway? Does it just happen automatically through the phone? “If you would like a woman, press 1. If you would like a man, press 2! Remember that if you like who you’re connected to you can press the pound button and we will remember them the next time you call ~ !” You frown, and hesitantly try to press the 1 but slip and end up pressing 2. Oh well, it’s not like it really matters all that much. 

You wait a minute, nerves chewing at you as it connects and almost hang up immediately as the deepest voice you’ve ever heard purrs, “Hey baby, are you ready for a good time?” 

Things click into place and you feel mortification pooling in your gut. “Oh my goodness. This is a sex line isn’t it?” You cannot believe that Catty thought you were lonely enough to give you the number of a sex line, that they have presumably used before??? Wow. 

There’s silence on the other end for a second and then, wheezing? Is the sex line person alright?! 

“Sorry, sorry! It’s just. You sound so surprised and horrified oh my god, did someone give you this number as a prank? That is the best.” 

You must look so silly to this young man, despite your mortification you find yourself snorting on your own laugh. “Oh my! I am so sorry. Oh darn, I’m sure she thought she was being perfectly clear, thinking back she did wink at me when she gave me this number.” 

“Oh my godddd, w-” He chokes on a snort. “What did you think the number was for?”

Making someone laugh this hard, even if it’s over your own silliness, is actually damping the mortification a bit. “I thought it was an, an advice line or something! Or counseling, which I really should get from a more reputable source then my TA.” 

The man has gone right back to wheezing and you do really hope he doesn't pass out from lack of oxygen. “Wow. Wow lady. This is the best thing to happen to me all day.” He coughs, probably trying to get himself back under control. “Uh, and this might be weird - I mean you should probably hang up pretty quick, I forget how much this thing costs? But I could give you some advice if you want, since you're not here to flick your bean and all.” 

The term ‘flick your bean’ has you both shaking with laughter and wanting to slam your head into the wall out of sheer mortification. “Well I am glad to have brightened someone's day, even if it was at the cost of stumbling onto an adult phone line.” You only have one idea of what his advice could be. “If the advice is to not to call strange numbers without knowing who exactly I’m calling I do think I’ve figured that out!” 

He actually sounds a bit nervous as he tries to fight through the aftermath of laughter to respond “No no I mean, like, don’t do that either but, okay so I assume you’re a teacher or something if you have a TA. Which means you have some kind of insurance, just.” He pauses, “Check over your plan and see if it covers mental health services, and whether or not you need a referral from your regular doctor.” 

You blink. This is not really what you were expecting. 

“If you want to try it out don’t worry too much about being ‘bad enough’ for anything. Counseling is definitely meant to be preventative, so things don’t get bad enough for you to absolutely need it.” He coughs in a way that sounds distinctly embarrassed, “I mean, I know it's not something everyone wants to try it and I might be misjudging you or whatever. Remember that all I know about you was that you called a weird number thinking it might be counselling." His voice has trailed off into a mumble but picks up again as he takes a breath "Anyway, other than that, there are real counselling lines. I don’t know much about them but I’m sure google can help you out. If you prefer online and want a place to just talk some things out 'seven cups of tea' is pretty nice, or 'I'm alive' for emergencies, though that’s more of a suicide prevention thing, which I kind of hope you don’t need.” 

You are somewhat in shock over the unexpected information and you feel warmth forming in your chest at the thought of this person, somewhere, trying to help a stranger. “One second young man.” You grab some sticky notes of the counter and fumble a pen out of your purse. “Repeat those names and tell me if there’s any strange spelling”

He honest to goodness giggles “Young man? Oh my god you are a teacher. Okay okay - 7cupsoftea, the number seven, not the word, no spaces. IMAlive is one word, no apostrophe.” You write the names down and resolve to at least look at the websites. “Oh, and for general counseling, if you don’t need a referral, which you probably don’t, just call or email a mental health services department that you’re covered for and set up an intake. If you want to, I mean. Warning, counselors can be super helpful, but half of them are pretentious balls of shit so don't feel bad about switching around until you find someone you like and who works well for you.” 

You’re scribbling notes, and actually seriously considering this, to tell the truth. “I will not, and I must say thank you so much, this obviously isn’t what you were planning to deal with when you sat down to take calls today.” 

“Hey, no problem, this was more fun than most of what I do for this job.” He pauses for a second and then says very seriously “And hey, make sure you don’t sleep too much, okay?” 

You wonder what he could mean by that. You feel the tiniest bit creeped out. “Um. Why not?” 

“Well, you might get deep rest.” 

It takes you a moment to work out the pun and then you’re howling with laughter. He cracks half a second later and then you’re cackling together. Whenever one of you starts to calm down, the other one will start giggling and it starts all over again. By the time you both calm down you’ve plopped yourself into your reading chair and you’re pretty sure you’re running the the bill up at this point. 

“Well this has been lovely but I should actually hang up at some point, before I have to take out a loan as the price of being loan-ly!” 

“You’re killing me lady. Oh yeah, I guess you should.” he sounds a bit disappointed and you hesitate, it’s a bit juvenile but you might as well leave this on another joke. 

“Before I go I should say, knock knock!” 

He inhales and you think he’s going to laugh again but instead he responds eagerly “Who’s there?” 

“Egg.” This is very silly, but it’s too late now. 

“Egg who?” 

“It was eggslent to meet you!” 

He’s silent and you flush, feeling like a fool. But then, in a breathlessly amazed voice that makes you blush for a completely different reason he asks, “Do you have a skype?” 

You have no idea what that is, but considering the world of messaging today you can guess it is some sort of online communication system. Thinking quickly you stall for time “Now I am quite sure you could get in trouble for asking that!” 

“I mean yeah totally, but I have other jobs so I figure it’s worth the risk.” 

A sensible person would, at this point, hang up and stay away from the phone for at least a year. Instead you hum in a way that sounds like you’re considering. “Give me yours and I will,” you pause and cross your fingers “Friend you!” That’s the term for most of these things right? 

He gives you the username ‘sanskeleton64’ and tells you it’s fine if you don’t use it, but to let him know how counselor stuff goes if you want to. 

“Good luck lady.” 

You press the pound button before hanging up.


	2. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Toriel downloads Skype.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Zeezeepearl](http://zeezeepearl.tumblr.com/) and everyone who commented for encouraging me to continue this!

You end up sleeping surprisingly well and wake up early wanting to do something with the day.

Going through your morning routine, (straightening the bed and making yourself a snail and cheese omelet) you find yourself thinking distractedly about the conversation you had last night. Flustered, you end up sitting yourself down and scribbling out a list of goals for the day.

\- Research counseling and check insurance plan. (Possibly make a well visit to ask questions in person)  
\- Go grocery shopping.  
\- Look up what a skipe is.

You hesitate over the last one. Perhaps you should not contact the young man again. He was very nice, but somehow you feel like anyone you were to ask advice on the subject would be horrified that you are even entertaining the thought. And he might have just been being polite in his offer of further communication, or at least regret it in the morning. Surely he has better things to do than entertain a lonely old lady. Is it too early to message him the day after? You have never made any online friends before, though you are aware that they are fairly common. Surely you will mess this up without knowing the proper protocol.

You will think about this more once you have flour.

You end up fretting all through getting groceries and come back home with four bags of sugar that you do not need, but somehow manage to be comforting in their own charming paper bag way. Well, if you are going to worry about it this much, you might as well get it over with regardless of the outcome.

With determination in your soul you pull out your ancient laptop, snuggle into your reading chair, and create two separate tabs. One of which you log into your group health account. On the other you google search ‘skipe’.

The first result is 'Skype | Free calls to family and friends’ and you click it, relieved that it does actually sound like the kind of thing you were expecting. The website has a backdrop of people smiling, the kind of large smiles often used in advertisements and stock photos. The only other thing on the page seems to be a button labeled ‘Download Skype’. Praying that it will not give you a virus you double click it, selecting ‘Run’ when the popup comes up.

As it downloads you try to find your plan summary on the group health site. You are honestly not sure if these things are intentionally confusing or if you are just oblivious in some way. Huffing in frustration, you click back to ‘Skype’ which has downloaded by now and begin making an account.

You think about making some version of your name your username, but remembering the conversation last night and recalling a pun that resulted in most of your class groaning at you you end up with the name ‘Gastropundya’.

It tries to make you take a contact picture, and after considering for a moment you look around until you find a stuffed goat that Asriel was fond of. You have the computer take a picture of its face instead of yours.

Once the Skype window is up you go to search and put in 'sanskeleton64', figure out that you were trying to search through your non existent contacts, fix it, and click on the username that matches. The name ‘Sans Femur’ is paired to it. You wonder if that is actually his name?

You think about adding your own message when adding him as a friend, instead of the standard contact one, but find that it’s hard enough to press the button and quickly navigate away and back to the group health page. You believe you are sweating through your shirt, oh dear.

After a few minutes a small notification sound draws your attention back to the chat program.

 

sanskeleton64: sup  
sanskeleton64: new phone who this

 

You feel your armpits dampen more, how should you respond? ‘I am just the woman who called you on the sex line that you work at last night?’

 

Gastropundya: Um.  
Gastropundya: Old lady!

 

You’re very glad for your computer’s large keys.

 

sanskeleton64: old lady who

 

You find yourself chuckling nervously to yourself as he falls into your trap.

 

Gastropundya: Oh! I didn’t know you could yodel!

sanskeleton64: oh man  
sanskeleton64: that was gold  
sanskeleton64: . . .  
sanskeleton64: knock knock

 

He’s joking back! You can feel excitement pooling in your stomach

 

Gastropundia: Who is there!

sanskeleton64: dishes

Gastropundya: Oh my. Dishes who?

sanskeleton64: dishes a very bad joke

 

You double over and wheeze, that one is wonderful!

 

sanskeleton64: uh, lady you still there?

Gastropundya: My apologies but I believe I require your assistance. How do I express amusement through a text based medium?

sanskeleton64: you ask good questions lady, don’t worry i got you  
sanskeleton64: type lol but in all caps, for bonus points press the little smiley face under your text box and add some laughing emojis

 

You do as he says and select appropriate looking little yellow faces.

 

Gastropundya: LOL XD XD XD  
Gastropundya: Does LOL stand for something or is it just an internet word of amusement?

sanskeleton64: lots of lesbians

Gastropundya: Oh my!

sanskeleton64: nah, it’s ‘laughing out loud’, i mean, not to make assumptions that you did

Gastropundya: I assure you, if anyone else was in the house they would have found me quite a disturbance.  
Gastropundya: Telling someone you are laughing out loud like that is strangely endearing, maybe I should spend more time in the internet.

Sanskeleton64: heheh, maybe. so i’m assuming you’re the lady from last night?

Gastropundya: Oh my! I did not even need to tell you who I was, my secret identity has been revealed! :O

Sanskeleton64: i gotta tell you it took some clever sleuthing but  
Sanskeleton64: yeah i’ve talked to you once and you’re still the only one i know with as bad a sans of humor as me

Gastropundya: Oh, do not worry about the quality. You are young, with age you will come to learn that puns are in fact the highest form of humor!

Sanskeleton64: oh my god, lady. you’re adorable. and absolutely right i’ll have to tell my bro this drop of wisdom right away.

Gastropundya: !!!  
Gastropundya: Forgive me if I’m prying, but you have a brother? Is his voice as strangely deep as yours.

Sanskeleton64: don’t worry lady, asking about my bro is like, the best way to fast-track your way into the friend zone.  
Sanskeleton64: i’m like a proud grandparent, if i bothered to get a wallet i’d have pictures of him in it to show off to the other geezers.

 

That is, quite frankly adorable. You are finding yourself brimming with affection over this very nice man who gives strangers sincere mental health advice and loves his brother.

 

Gastropundya: The friend zone may be what I’m aiming for, but now I must know about this brother you are so proud of simply because that level of pride must be over someone who is quite lovely.

Sanskeleton64: he really is, oh man. i mean he’s ridiculous too, you know he thinks junior jumble is harder than crossword?  
Sanskeleton64: ok that’s kind of a silly example to give, but he only thinks that because he gets bored trying to solve the crossword and he ends up filling them all up with z’s.

Gastropundya: Oh my goodness! I imagine that would make them quite hard to complete after the fact.

Sanskeleton64: oh nah, he, does them in pencil i just erase it if i wanna do them.

Gastropundya: I find this strangely adorable.

Sanskeleton64: you wanna talk adorable, ok my bro’s thirteenth birthday right, he’s ridiculously excited and he has me get him, sunglasses and two basket balls?  
Sanskeleton64: and im like, so ok, kid’s tall. someone probably told him he should be a, cool basketball player or something? +shades for extra coolness.  
Sanskeleton64: but no. we bring the goods home, and he asks me to help him completely ruin these poor basketballs. Just, has me stab them so they pop. then he takes some scissors out. i’m sitting there watching him in all my confused but supportive glory, and he’s cutting arm holes.  
Sanskeleton64: he’s wearing the basketballs.  
Sanskeleton64: this is the coolest teen on the block with his beautiful basketbal sleeves.

Gastropundya: OH MY GOSH! :D :D

Sanskeleton64: it was glorious, i helped him get them to fit alright and he glued them to a shirt then wrote ‘cool teen’ on it. he still has that thing.

Gastropundya: I was correct, your brother sounds like a lovely young man! He must take after his brother.

Sanskeleton64: heh. nah. he’s his own cool teen.  
Sanskeleton64: oh man i kinda rambled there for a bit, uh. oops.  
Sanskeleton64: knock knock,

Gastropundya: You are not rambling! Please brighten this old lady’s day with adorable stories about your brother! ]:) :) :D  
Gastropundya: !!! Who is there!  
Gastropundya: Oh my I did not mean to give that smile face horns, it is cute though, just look at it. ]:)

Sanskeleton64: atch.  
Sanskeleton64: it’s adorable, it looks like your little goat icon.

Gastropundya: Atch who!

Sanskeleton64: bless you lady, want a tissue.

Gastropundya: HAH! ]:DDDD  
Gastropundya: Oh I’ve got one! When is a piece of wood like a king?

Sanskeleton64: tell me.

Gastropundya: When it’s a ruler!!!

Sanskeleton64: oh my god that’s brilliant.  
Sanskeleton64: you know some people think everyone sees color differently?  
Sanskeleton64: would that make color just a pigment of our imagination.

Gastropundya: !!!!!!!!!! :O  
Gastropundya: Maybe it would, hue hue hue. ]:D

 

You and the young man from the sex line exchange jokes for a while. You find yourself laughing hard enough that you have to retrieve a dish towel to dab at your eyes.

When you remember that you were supposed to be trying to look over your insurance plan coverage you huff and navigate back to the Group Health page. Squinting at it, you make the rational decision to give up and ask questions at a wellness visit appointment.

 

Gastropundya: I have completely failed to figure out how to check my insurance plan, do you think my regular physician will mind answering the questions of a silly old lady?

Sanskeleton64: if they do mind you need a new doc.  
Sanskeleton64: bring an apple just in case.

Gastropundya: Oh my, do those really keep the doctor away, because I have tons.

Sanskeleton64: you know i should probably see the doc soon too, yesterday i accidentally swallowed some food coloring.  
Sanskeleton64: i mean they’ll probably say i’m fine but i kinda feel like i’ve dyed a little inside.

 

\---

 

You make your appointment for next Wednesday and spend the rest of your weekend trying not to think about it, stress baking, and sharing jokes with sansskeleton64.

You are becoming increasingly fond of the sex line man despite knowing very little about him other than what one of his jobs is, and the fact that he loves silly jokes almost as much as he loves his brother.

When Monday comes around you pack up your class plans and head to school, only to almost immediately run into Catty. You promptly remember that she was the one to give you the number. Flushing you try to cover up your embarrassment with a warm hello and good morning. She looks somewhat concerned, but lets it go.

Unfortunately you can barely look her in the face all through first period. Which is terribly unprofessional of you and you must reassure her that she has not actually done anything wrong during lunch break. But . . . dear lord she gave you the number to a sex line. You are old enough to be her mother and she apparently thought that was an appropriate thing to do!

Is it actually? Is this normal behavior for young people nowadays? It probably is, isn’t it. You are terribly behind in the times and have most likely been missing many new social protocols that call for sexual advice or slipping someone the number to an adult phone line.

Maybe you are overthinking things.

Distracting yourself from such distressing thoughts is easy enough with twenty fourth graders all with their own needs and accommodations trying not to be terribly bored with ecology. You’ve pretty much forgotten what you were worried about by the second slap fight. By the time lunch actually rolls around you’re making worksheets on your school computer's excel spreadsheet, you’ve almost forgotten about Catty until she comes into the classroom and leans on your desk.

“What’s the haps girl? Need anything copied for next period?”

You smile gently, “No thank you dear, I think I have everything prepared as long as you are willing to help rangle everyone in from the playground in a bit.” She winks and nods, you find yourself vividly recalling what you were so embarrassed about this morning, your face flushes.

“Whoa girl, you’ve got a wicked blush going there.” She wiggles her eyebrows, “Hope you’re not falling for me. I love you Tor-tor, but I’m a monogamous woman, unless you’re a hot robot.”

You groan and place your face in your hands, glad that they’re big enough to completely cover your face. “Ah, no. I was merely reflecting on an, experience. Somewhat in relation to the number you gave me last week.”

Now she’s looks a little embarrassed, at least you aren't the only one. “OOooohh, heyy how’d that go?” She’s lowered her voice, but you are still fairly sure this is an inappropriate topic for school, at least none of the children are around.

“I’m afraid I may be, fairly dense dear. I did not fully grasp what it was, until -” You plop your head on your table. “Until I called it, before then I was under the impression you were giving the number to some sort of advice line. At least the young man who picked up was understanding.”

A snort is all the warning you have before Catty is giggling hard enough that tears to form at the corners of her eyes. “LIKE, OOOOHHH MY GOD???!!”

You softy bonk your head into your desk but you’re smiling. “Well. At least I made a friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack, I'm not sure I'm completely happy with this but it was fun to write.

**Author's Note:**

> This is something very silly that I wrote instead of doing my homework, I may continue it but I'm not sure 
> 
> You can say hi to me or ask questions over [here](https://csquareenthusiast.tumblr.com)
> 
> Fic title from [[link]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)


End file.
